this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
