the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
