So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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