Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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