Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
