That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
