The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
