remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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