I just cut my nipple shaving
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
