i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You ruined the universe
Randomize
