so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
