I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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