I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
