me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
