Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
