So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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