I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
