I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
