I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
