After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
