I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
