I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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