Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
