I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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