I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
