its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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