I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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