So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
