There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
