what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
