I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
