I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
