this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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