i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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