This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
