You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
