Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
