she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
