God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
