She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
