Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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