what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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