I skipped work to stalk him.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
