He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
