Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
