We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
