Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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