is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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