Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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