Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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