I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
