good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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