just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
