I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
