She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
