If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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