Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
