you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
